Now that DADT Is Gone, Same-Sex Binational Couples Need to Focus on Full Federal Equal Rights

by Kathy Drasky

With President Obama’s signature on the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” this morning, 2010 ends on a high note for gay rights. With the defeat of the DREAM Act in the Senate last week, the year ends on a low note for comprehensive immigration reform (CIR).

Same-sex binational couples have long been caught in the vortex of these two important movements in American politics. We are, first and foremost, gay and lesbian, yet at least half of us are first-generation immigrants. The other half of us though are American citizens and US permanent residents. The citizens among us (second-class LGBT citizens that we are) are denied thousands of rights – including the right to sponsor our same-sex foreign-born partner for immigration purposes.

As far as political movements go, same-sex binational couples are a small group. In spite of efforts to estimate that there are far more of us than 36,000 couples – 36,000 remains the accepted figure. Split that in half and you have 18,000 gay and lesbian American citizens at any one time facing the unconscionable – leave the country you love to be with the person you love, or live a life apart from your life partner – which is no kind of life at all. (By contrast, it’s estimated that 2 million children of undocumented workers would have benefited from the DREAM Act.)

With the momentum shift that’s occurred with DADT repeal, it’s time for same-sex binationals to remember why we are being discriminated against in the first place. It is not because half of us are immigrants. It is because all of us are gay and lesbian. US immigration has no problem with opposite-sex binational couples. In fact, it is the heterosexual American citizen’s inalienable right to marry the person he or she loves and build a life with that person in the United States – whether that person is another American, or from another country.

The repeal of DOMA, then, is more in keeping us on a direct path to keep our families together rather than being tossed about in CIR (one bill we’re in, one bill we’re not; lots of groups support our inclusion; lots don’t). Meanwhile, the LGBT community, the one we all belong to, needs the stories of same-sex binational couples to underscore the case for full federal equal rights. Reasonable heterosexual Americans (some of them even reasonable Republican heterosexual Americans) will get the gist of why we need full federal equal rights a lot faster when they become aware that Americans – just like them, except for that pesky sexuality part – are being forced to leave their own country. Gays and lesbians can fight and die for our country, but we can’t truly live happily ever after in it!? Hey, you just got my dang attention!

For those who say CIR will come before DOMA repeal, I refer you to the very recent history of DADT and the DREAM Act. For those who say we need to get the LGBT community to support CIR, I say, we need to keep the LGBT community laser-focused and in step with the momentum of DADT repeal and seize the day for full federal equal rights, because that day is now.

For those that say the wait for DOMA repeal (or full federal rights under the label “civil unions”) will be too long to keep them together, legally, in the US, I say put your energy into getting the President to sign an Executive Order that will stop the deportation of any foreign person in a same-sex binational relationship who has registered and documented their relationship to the fullest extent allowed in the city or state where they live (or has been legally married in another country). Just today, after signing the repeal of DADT, when President Obama was asked about DOMA, he said, in the context of how same-sex couples are now allowed hospital visitation rights equally in all 50 states, “There are a lot of things we can do administratively even if we don’t pass things legislatively.”

For those who say, “What about the Uniting American Families Act (UAFA)?”, the bill that would add three words to existing immigration law “or permanent partner” wherever the word spouse appears, the immigration bill that actually had more co-sponsors in the House than the DREAM Act, I say we need to petition our supporters Rep. Jerrold Nadler and Sen. Patrick Leahy to re-introduce this bill in the 112th Congress immediately. While its standalone success cannot be counted on, especially with a less friendly House than the one that passed the DREAM Act and a less friendly Senate than the one that defeated it – UAFA can be the new rallying call to keep full federal equal rights front and center.

Dealing with Victories and Defeats

by Mark Gerardy

Back on election day 2008, it was a great day - a Democrat president after an eight-year hiatus, a Democrat-majority in the House and Senate, many Democrat governors, almost everything was perfect - except California's anti-gay Proposition 8 narrowly passed.

Wouldn't it be nice to be able to get everything that you want in one full-swoop?

Some elections, it has been good just to get anything that you want. Any victory, anywhere. Rarely, if ever, does anyone get every single thing that they want, either for Christmas or on Election Day. It's life.

Election Day 2010 probably will not be as good as 2008, and there will be fewer presents. I am fairly certain that despite my best efforts, unfortunately one of the Colorado Senate seats will go to openly-homophobic Republican Ken Buck. Between that and less Democrats in the Senate and House, things are not going to look very good for awhile.

There will be some victories, and probably more than just a few defeats. All ready to get started on 2012? Grrrrrr. I don't blame you, I will probably just be recovering from this last election, and will not want to see another negative television advertisement for a long time, and two years will not be long enough.

However after the smoke clears by the morning of Wednesday, November 3rd, we will have what we have. In two years, Barack Obama has appointed over 150 GLBT persons as policy officials, advisers, commission members, and other high-level staff members - more than Bill Clinton appointed in eight years. These may not be at the same level as Senators, but they are currently working as architects for social change.

DADT is like the Texas two-step: forward, now back, now forward three steps, now back three steps, docie-doh. Swing your partner. In-the-closet, out-of-the-closet, in the doorway of the closet, half-in and half-out with a half-assed policy that no one can figure out anymore. One thing is true however - the DADT homophobic beast is near death. It is no longer “if”, it is a question of “when”, but at least we know that it is soon to be another nightmare that is over.

The death of DADT will then open the door to the next GLBT battle that the community and elected officials collectively decide to tackle. That will most likely be repealing DOMA.

I have a lot of respect for Barney Frank, and I think that we should dedicate resources to getting ENDA passed too, however DOMA is the real fight to gear up for real social progress. Like DADT, DOMA is something to repeal, not pass like ENDA; like DADT, DOMA has also been ruled unconstitutional by several lower courts and is making its way through the appeals process.

In theory, the more conservative that a person is politically, the more that they should be pro-marriage, including same-gender marriages. Conservatives abhor both promiscuity yet are also against same-gender marriage, essentially offering nothing except impractical empty rhetoric – cold showers and prayer to their God, and that really does not compare to falling in love and making a home together. They are unwilling to acknowledge that millions of gays and lesbians are not just going to instantly divorce the one that they love, dismantle their homes and families, and magically march single-file back into the closet to appease the delicate sensitivities of the far-right's need for religious self-validation and thus tip-toe around the personal convictions of religious extremists.

As far as personal convictions, such as family, commitment and community go - this is where ultimately more and more moderates will reluctantly begin to at least quietly agree with same gender marriage as acceptable public policy - as long as they maintain their own personal feelings about what works for them personally within their own families, homes and churches. The far right inherently lacks objectivity, on many different levels, as they contradict themselves into a corner of absurdity. They cannot have it both ways: don't be promiscuous because this is irresponsible – but don't be monogamous either and be responsible. The far right's attempts to exert social control over GLBT persons to be relegated as "non-sexual" has already been lost per the Lawrence v. Texas decision.

Eventually the question will become, what values do the American people stand for - that should be applied to everyone equally? This without carving out exceptions when convenient to fulfill a social vendetta against another group.

After DADT fails, then next question to come to us is:

"Should we within the GLBT community consider or accept a National Domestic Partnership law granting federal recognition to civil unions, at least as an interim step?"

Before you resoundingly exclaim "no!" - consider that essentially this is consistent with the Uniting American Families Act (UAFA) in the wording of the bill that addresses "permanent partners". UAFA actually fits in synch as one small piece within a larger national domestic partnership law.

I have talked with many people across the country, and the average American cannot separate personal convictions from public policy. For many, they cannot separate secular civil marriage from a religious marriage and spiritual bond. Their knowledge of the Constitution is extremely limited. Christine O’Donnell, who is running for Senate representing Delaware, actually did not know about the First Article of the Constitution that establishes separation of church and state. Even after getting an education by her opponent, Democrat Chris Coons, she had the audacity to publicly exclaim that she gave him an education and thus claimed victory in the debate - despite being almost laughed out of the room by law students.

I believe that we can get 70% of what we want by taking the interim step through a national domestic partnership law granting federal recognition to civil unions, especially one that includes immigration. Certainly the best situation of all is to repeal DOMA, but I question how possible this will be with Anthony Kennedy as centrist in the middle, who ideologically probably is on our side, but is also a practical man, too. The far right already shrieks "Judicial Activism" to the point that a 5-4 GLBT victory overturning DOMA by SCOTUS also might cause civil unrest and a resulting bloodbath. Kennedy is not stupid, he knows this. The question for Kennedy becomes “is it worth it to enshrine your legacy as being on the right side of history, eventually, but at the cost of starting a small scale civil war”?

Texas and South Carolina have already saber-rattled in the past about succeeding from the Union - a victory of this magnitude might just cause a militia movement and a homophobic backlash that actually begins to parallel the 1960s civil unrest with marching in the streets, riots, beatings and water hoses. This might sound like a lot of fun to the angry GLBT crowd, until you hear the words "permanent disability", “pain” or "death". As angry as you are, there will always be someone else who is angrier, bigger, and/or has a bigger weapon than you and is seething with homophobia - and civil unrest is not worth the drama. Moderates who are caught in the crossfire could easily blame all of the mayhem on gays wanting too much too quickly – and then side with the far right. Martyrdom is overrated too - the love within our families and commitments are more important than fighting hate out in the streets. The ends do not justify the means.

Next time you lament about how progress is so slow, consider the above. As the next two years might take us past DADT and into DOMA/UAFA territory, perhaps it is a reasonable discussion to consider not asking for the whole enchilada just yet. There is a pragmatic aspect to compromise, and one is bringing our own foreign-born partners home or being able to keep them here with us in our homes through a quicker process to sponsorship as an auxiliary benefit to a national domestic partnership law.

Selling out? Perhaps, but the deal is not over, and will not be until we get the whole enchilada, but just like Christmas, you don't always get everything that you want. We won't on Tuesday, November 3rd and it takes time. If you want to get your loved one back in your arms quicker because you only have so much time left in your life, then maybe it is legitimate to be practical and get the dialog restarted within the GLBT community about a national domestic partnership law that includes immigration benefits.

So, if early November gives you the chills after the elections, consider that there are still opportunities out there. We may need to just think more about coming together in the middle. It may result in us being able to accomplish something more than we expected.

"You Can Have It All, You Just Cannot Get It All at Once"

by Mark Gerardy

After I graduated college and was truly on my own for the first time, I was really excited. Wow! Total freedom! I had gone away to college for my last two years, so even though I had not been under my parent's roof for awhile, nonetheless I had been dependent upon them financially.

A new apartment for the first time meant “…buying furniture, consumer electronics, small kitchen appliances, pots and pans, cutlery, silverware, dishes, glasses...”

Screech - not so fast!

Put down the shopping list. Mark, step away from the shopping list. I heard the famous words:

"You can have it all, you just cannot get it all at once."

I knew that it made sense; I just did not want it to make sense. I still felt differently even though I knew better. So I still spent money - because I just discovered "credit". Oh no? Oh yes. That's right.

A lot of fun and a lot of debt later, then I ended up working two jobs for three years to pay it all off. I realized that there is more to life than "monthly minimum payment is only...."

I learned: "You cannot get it all at once."

Oh, you can try. But good luck, and if you are able too get too much, too quick, then good luck keeping it all.

I want the Uniting American Families Act (UAFA) to pass today; I mean right now, instantly! I feel that way.

I think differently, because I know. I know that how I think needs to be differently than I feel, and my actions need to reflect what I know, not just how I feel.

Getting impatient only hurts me worse than anything that I can blast at any politician. Their staffers read their emails and letters anyway; they are insulated and have a nice buffer system.

Homophobia is a big, hard frozen block of ignorance. Yet! Everyday, all of us together, in someway chip away at this block. Small pieces fly off; sometimes entire walls of material fall down. Mount Rushmore was not carved in a day.

It is not easy. "Patience but persistence" is what works. "Patience" does not mean letting people walk all over us either – just as "Persistence" does not mean immediate results.

In the meantime, I try to find happiness in my life anywhere that I can. Walks. Smelling flowers. Hot baths. Sunday drives. Talking over coffee until the wee hours of the morning with a close friend. Hiking in the mountains or woods. Sleeping in late. Power tools. Jack Daniels comes to visit every now and then.

Get angry?

Sure. But the price that you pay is to your own health, and you will not make a difference just getting angry. You and your heart are more important than your own anger or sworn enemies. You have to get even. And this involves strategy and being smart about it.

With each passing day, homophobia is now quickly going out of fashion.

"Don't ask don't tell" was once a wild beast that ferociously destroyed human lives and careers, wasted talent and resources, while we as taxpayers paid for the destruction. Today, DADT has been repeatedly stabbed, shot, beaten back, kicked and crushed to now be limping to the point to where we do not really now if it alive or dead. However like "The Terminator" is just keeps rising up, with its red eyes glowing.

We do not have it all. But we are getting it. Slowly, one little bit at a time. It keeps getting better with every passing day. Slowly.

Generationally, progress is on our side and inevitable. While it is slow, at least we are heading in the right direction.

"You can have it all, you just cannot get it all at once." Let's keep chipping away at homophobia and the ignorance that stands in the way of eliminating DADT and DOMA, of passing ENDA and UAFA.

Vote on November 2.

Vote on November 2.

The Great Grassroots Wake Up Call

This week, after a long hot summer in most parts of America (and intensely foggy and cold one here in San Francisco), where comprehensive immigration reform (CIR) seemed to be quietly forgotten, our hopes for seeing the Uniting American Families Act (UAFA) and Reuniting Families Act (RFA) pass this year grew dimmer, and key federal rulings on a challenge to DOMA and Proposition 8 were postponed – we got a wake up call at O4I.

Four new co-sponsors for UAFA, bringing our total to 128 in the House (as many as the DREAM Act) and attachments of the DREAM Act and repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell (DADT) to a Defense Appropriations Bill (DAB) to be introduced for a vote in the Senate by Harry Reid next week.

We’ve also been informed today that Sen. Bob Menendez will introduce a Senate version of CIR probably this month.

There’s been an incredible response on our Yahoo Groups list serve from our core volunteers and activists – this includes direct action and debate. Many people responded to an action to call Sen. Reid’s office in DC and ask him to attach UAFA to the DAB bill. This action made sense on this front: the DREAM Act addresses an immigration issue (giving children of undocumented immigrants the opportunity to become US citizens through enrolling in college or military service); DADT addresses an LGBT issue – permitting gays and lesbians to openly serve in the military. UAFA addresses both LGBT and immigration issues. Surely, it has a place here as well.

Or not – UAFA has nothing to do with national defense (unless you consider the American citizens among us who have served our country proudly in the military). We’re probably grasping at straws here. No harm done, though. Calls to Sen. Reid’s office were dutifully logged in by his staff. Maybe he received 10 calls about UAFA yesterday – more likely 100s. He is already receiving enough flak from Republicans threatening to pull support from DAB over “immigrants” or “gays”. Adding UAFA to the mix won’t help. But what did help – most certainly are our phone calls that yet again raised awareness in DC that there is a group of us out here who need immigration and/or gay rights bills passed now – and we are not going to go away.

A better shot at our efforts right now will be to call Sen. Robert Menendez’s office and ask him to “make sure to include the Uniting American Families Act (Senate bill number 424) in his Comprehensive Immigration Reform legislation”. His number is (202) 224-4744.

Last year, Rep. Luis Gutierrez introduced similar legislation and left UAFA out. Our action alert to call his office resulted in so many calls he had no choice but to acknowledge he had made a major mistake. He now makes regular statements that say no CIR bill can go forward without UAFA, or UAFA-type language. Hold him to that statement and make sure Sen. Menendez’s legislation includes us from the start.

Our core activists have weighed in. Some urge us to continue calling Sen. Reid’s office (his number is (202) 224-3542. Others say we should put energies behind a repeal of DOMA. After all, getting federal marriage rights is another way to get equal immigration rights. This is a great idea for those in the group who want to pursue making alliances with key DOMA and marriage equality groups. (Marriage Equality USA – MEUSA is one of O4I’s biggest allies, and if someone has the bandwidth to work more closely with this group, please raise your hand!!)

For just about every member who sees the value in working toward getting UAFA included in CIR, there are members who argue we must focus on getting UAFA passed as a standalone bill. Putting our efforts into CIR may end up with us being tossed out at the last minute as part of a compromise (we should wait and see what happens with DADT and the DREAM Act as part of DAB next week for more direction here).

The bottom line with O4I is – and always has been – is that we push for equal immigration rights for LGBT Americans with foreign partners from every angle. And will continue to do so.

What we need are more of you to step up for equality and ask yourself how much time you can donate a week to making a difference. Is it 30 minutes? An hour? 5 hours? Choose an amount of time that is reasonable to you and fits into your life and then stick to it. Use that 30 minutes to make phone calls and take part in the weekly letter writing campaign and post links to your Facebook page or Twitter account to raise awareness. Use an hour to get started on getting your city or state to pass a resolution in support of UAFA and equal immigration rights for same-sex binational couples. Devote 5 hours to designing a campaign to raise awareness, contribute research on other groups we can work with and forging alliances or help us write blog posts, op-eds and issue timely media releases.

If everyone commits now to being involved, we will continue to keep the grassroots alive from the wake up call we got this week.

You can do it. Yes you can – email info@out4immigration.org with questions or for more info.

________________
Special thanks this week to Erik who is in DC getting more support for UAFA inclusion in CIR, Chris B., Tim K. Tom T. and Heather for posting timely information, co-sponsor info and those all-important phone numbers!

To join our Yahoo Groups list and get in on the daily discussions there, scroll to the bottom of the Out4Immigration webpage, click on the "Yahoo" icon and follow the instructions.

Four New House Co-Sponsors for UAFA

Great news this morning! The Uniting American Families Act (UAFA) has four new co-sponsors in the House, bringing our total to 128.

The new co-sponsors (and their phone numbers) are listed below. Please take a minute today to call each of them and thank them for their support. They have signed on due to the collective efforts of so many of us working hard to end immigration inequality, including your phone calls, visits to your representatives and the O4I weekly letter writing campaign.

Rep. Joe Baca (D-CA-43)
Phone: (202) 225-6161

Rep. Gerry Connolly (D-VA-11)
Phone: (202) 225-1492

Rep. John Hall (D-NY-19)
Phone: (202) 225-5441

Rep. Tim Ryan (D-OH-17)
Phone: (202) 225-5261

Also this morning we have heard that Sen. Harry Reid is adding both DADT repeal and the DREAM Act to the Defense Appropriations Bill (DAB) he hopes to pass in the Senate next week. This is very significant as it shows LGBT and immigration legislation being added as amendments to a larger bill. This could very well happen with UAFA, too. Please call Sen. Reid's DC office at (202) 224-3542 and ask him to consider adding UAFA to this bill as well. It's worth a try -- and it will increase the dialog about the need to pass UAFA this year!