"You Can Have It All, You Just Cannot Get It All at Once"

by Mark Gerardy

After I graduated college and was truly on my own for the first time, I was really excited. Wow! Total freedom! I had gone away to college for my last two years, so even though I had not been under my parent's roof for awhile, nonetheless I had been dependent upon them financially.

A new apartment for the first time meant “…buying furniture, consumer electronics, small kitchen appliances, pots and pans, cutlery, silverware, dishes, glasses...”

Screech - not so fast!

Put down the shopping list. Mark, step away from the shopping list. I heard the famous words:

"You can have it all, you just cannot get it all at once."

I knew that it made sense; I just did not want it to make sense. I still felt differently even though I knew better. So I still spent money - because I just discovered "credit". Oh no? Oh yes. That's right.

A lot of fun and a lot of debt later, then I ended up working two jobs for three years to pay it all off. I realized that there is more to life than "monthly minimum payment is only...."

I learned: "You cannot get it all at once."

Oh, you can try. But good luck, and if you are able too get too much, too quick, then good luck keeping it all.

I want the Uniting American Families Act (UAFA) to pass today; I mean right now, instantly! I feel that way.

I think differently, because I know. I know that how I think needs to be differently than I feel, and my actions need to reflect what I know, not just how I feel.

Getting impatient only hurts me worse than anything that I can blast at any politician. Their staffers read their emails and letters anyway; they are insulated and have a nice buffer system.

Homophobia is a big, hard frozen block of ignorance. Yet! Everyday, all of us together, in someway chip away at this block. Small pieces fly off; sometimes entire walls of material fall down. Mount Rushmore was not carved in a day.

It is not easy. "Patience but persistence" is what works. "Patience" does not mean letting people walk all over us either – just as "Persistence" does not mean immediate results.

In the meantime, I try to find happiness in my life anywhere that I can. Walks. Smelling flowers. Hot baths. Sunday drives. Talking over coffee until the wee hours of the morning with a close friend. Hiking in the mountains or woods. Sleeping in late. Power tools. Jack Daniels comes to visit every now and then.

Get angry?

Sure. But the price that you pay is to your own health, and you will not make a difference just getting angry. You and your heart are more important than your own anger or sworn enemies. You have to get even. And this involves strategy and being smart about it.

With each passing day, homophobia is now quickly going out of fashion.

"Don't ask don't tell" was once a wild beast that ferociously destroyed human lives and careers, wasted talent and resources, while we as taxpayers paid for the destruction. Today, DADT has been repeatedly stabbed, shot, beaten back, kicked and crushed to now be limping to the point to where we do not really now if it alive or dead. However like "The Terminator" is just keeps rising up, with its red eyes glowing.

We do not have it all. But we are getting it. Slowly, one little bit at a time. It keeps getting better with every passing day. Slowly.

Generationally, progress is on our side and inevitable. While it is slow, at least we are heading in the right direction.

"You can have it all, you just cannot get it all at once." Let's keep chipping away at homophobia and the ignorance that stands in the way of eliminating DADT and DOMA, of passing ENDA and UAFA.

Vote on November 2.

Vote on November 2.

Let's Get Out the Vote, Let's Make Our Voice Heard

by Mark Gerardy

A few short weeks go by and then all of a sudden - it is Tuesday, November 2nd! Gosh it seemed like just yesterday it was September - where did October go?

Hmmm, let's see here, today I have to wake up and do the morning routine, go into work, and then afterwards I was planning to... No, wait a minute; I think that is Election Day?

Gosh...voting. I have been there, and before I empowered myself to take control of my own destiny, I followed the same set pattern of complacency and apathy.

The whole mindset works like this:

"Well, you know I only have one vote, and in the masses, my one vote really doesn't count. How can that possibly make a difference? What's in it for me? And why doesn't Obama and the HRC get off their butts and do something for us? They don't deserve my vote. If they are not going to do anything for me, then why should I vote for them?”

However consider:

If you have two choices, one who is a friend that lets you down (i.e., Democrats), versus a sworn-enemy who is intent of making your life as miserable as possible (i.e., many Republicans), then who do you choose? By not participating, then you are allowing others to make their vote count more, that much more for the Republicans.

Voting is not "rewarding" anyone; voting is about making the most pragmatic choice as possible so that there might be a snowball's-chance-in-hell that DADT and DOMA get repealed; ENDA and UAFA passed. If you want to "reward" a candidate, then that is called a financial contribution to their campaign, not a vote.

Fundamentalists have their entire church congregations voting for Republicans, so every one of our votes does count, to go against the tide that can be overcome, like the tide that was overcome in 2008.

The way to add power to your voice and vote is by getting others involved - and collectively our "one" votes become now "many" votes. It is all about inspiration - me inspiring you to inspire more you's to become "us". This is collectivism, forging a united front together. This is about teamwork, and each and every one of you voting – and encouraging your friends and family to vote too. This is about cooperation and working together and making our collective voice heard.

We have already done this and continue to do the same with working with our respective major cities to pass resolutions supporting the Uniting American Families Act (UAFA).

NOW is the time to start getting out into your local GLBT community – through your local GLBT Community Center, through GLBT political or advocacy organizations, through the network of bars and clubs, any place that you can get anyone to lend an ear.

Public policy is passed by votes, and the people casting those votes are voted on by you and I. Public policy is not created by complacency or apathy, it is created by tangible actions. If you can convince three other people to get out and vote, then you have amplified your voting power three-fold.

I strongly encourage all of you to do more than just vote. Use this October to start working with you family, friends, and their friends to collectively work together to make a difference. First, know where to vote. Second, set up rides or shuttle service to the voting polls. Third, get people motivated and work to dispel apathy that is not productive, it is just a twisted way of feeling good. There are other ways of feeling good that are much more effective than sulking about not voting, because Obama’s superman cape fell off and that he had a run in his tights, causing not enough pro-GLBT stuff to get done.

MANY of the mid-term races are VERY CLOSE races. It not out of the question that your efforts, and through your efforts alone, that you might have the potential to get one GLBT-friendly representative or senator in our court, and then cause your state to tip the scales to pass UAFA, or end DADT – which failed by four measly votes.

So get out there this October in preparation for November and do your part to make it happen. Do not let October pass you by.